Do you have a ton of makeup brushes and don’t know what to do with them? Do you apply your eye makeup with a sponge applicator? Do you apply eye shadow and not blend that shit? Do you apply your bronzer and powder with a GD powder puff? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re an asshole. Lucky for you, I am your fairy brush mother. Applying makeup is easy. It is easier, though, to put it on and look like a moron if you don’t have the right tools. Think about it. What if a painter used a tampon to paint your bedroom? How would that look to ya? Or what if your colorist used a spatula to apply your touch up, huh? You think that would look good? Girls. Listen. You put makeup on for a reason. To look better. To feel pretty. How the fuck are you going to look pretty when you are using kaka to apply your makeup? It is imperative that you use the proper tools. Allow me to assist you.
1. The Finishing Brush: This bitch rocks and there are no exceptions. She needs to be a part of your brush collection. I use this brush to apply my powder. She is perfect and I love her.
2. The Bronzing Brush: Yes. You need separate brushes for this shit. This right here is the brush I use to apply my powdered bronzer. She is large and in charge.
3. The Blush Brush: This is the perfect blush brush. Here is a tip: do not use the tip of the brush to apply your blush. Use the side of the brush.
4. The Angled Highlighting/Contouring Brush: Use this bitch to highlight the cheekbones, around the eyes, the forehead, just use her to highlight, ok?
5. The Crease Brush: This brush is used to apply eyeshadow to the crease of your eye. Girls. Less is more here if you aren’t very savvy in the makeup department. It is very easy to look like a blind hooker did your eye makeup if you over do it with shadow in the crease.
6. The Eye Colour Brush: I use this brush to apply color all over my eye lid, from lash to brow. And since we are on the topic of shadow under the brows allow me to help y’all with something… If you own white eyeshadow and worse, if you own it and apply it under your brows, please go get it and run it the fuck over with your car. Like now. You’re welcome.
7. The Eyeshadow Brush: This bitch is kind of a jack of all trades. She is a solid eyeshadow brush. I use her to apply color on the lid, the crease, and the lash line. She’s pretty friggin awesome. The link provides a 2 in 1 makeup brush for brushes 6 and 7. Awesome frigging brush. I love it.
8. The Flat Eyeliner Brush: I use this brush to apply liner underneath my lash line on the waterline of my top eyelid. This is a tricky one. If you are one of the assholes that answered yes to any of the questions above, don’t bother with this one. We will talk later.
9. The Smudge Brush: This right here will take your sad eye liner to a whole new level. Smudge that shit and get your eyes looking like a pro done did it. Simply apply your eyeliner (creme, pencil) and use this brush to smudge that shit a bit to soften the line. It makes eyeliner look real purdy.
10. The Eyeliner Brush: I use this brush to apply my favorite creme eye liner to my top lash line. Precision is its middle name.
11. The Pencil Brush: This little stinker right here is a bad ass. I use her to blend eyeliner into my shadow to create a smokey eye. She is also perfect for adding a little drama to the crease.
12. The Mascara Brush: I use this brush to declump my mascara. Clumpy mascara looks like shit. Sorry, Tammy…
13. The Eye Shadow Blending Brush: After one applies makeup to the eye, especially to the crease of the eye, use this brush TO BLEND YOUR EYE SHADOW TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE A DICK WHO HAD HELLEN KELLER DO HER MAKEUP.
14. The Brow Brush: I cannot live without this brush. If I were being brutally tortured and forced to only keep one brush or die, I would consider death, then I would make a rational decision and pick this brush. Reason being, I have scarce brows and if I don’t fill them in I look like someone erased my face. There are many days when I just put on my brows and go.
And don’t forget about the secret weapon! Check this out and don’t go one more day without it unless you want to look ugly.
Brushes 1-14 must be owned by fellow makeup whores like myself. I use MAC and Laura Mercier brushes. Nothing else. Except for my beloved brow brush. She is Anastasia and I ain’t never met another like her.
For those of you who are cosmetically challenged, wear minimal makeup, or can’t afford to invest in all of the above, have no fear! Brushes 1, 2, 3, 5, 11, 13, and 14 will suffice! I understand makeup brushes can be pricey, especially the ones I use, however I have done a little research and found some reasonably priced brushes with pretty stellar reviews. Check them out.
Think of these as an investment in your future. An investment in your self esteem, your love life, your social life. Remember. Knowing your makeup looks spot on will help you feel more confident. When you look good, you feel good. And when you look good, I feel good because I can actually talk to you and listen to what you are saying instead of staring at your God damn unblended white eye shadow 😉 Sisters, I do this for you because I want all of you to feel beautiful because I believe in sisterhood and I love your asses.
I would like to dedicate this blog to my best friends little sister, Lisa. She texted me the day after Christmas with a picture of her new brushes (jealous!) and wanted to know which was which. Here’s to you, girl! Thank you for the inspiration!
Now go on. Make mama proud and get pretty! xoxo