Red velvet covered heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate truffles. Dildos. Long stem roses. Little blue boxes tied up with a white satin bow. Fine Perfume. Crotchless panties. Fancy dinners. Sexy lingerie. Chocolate covered strawberries. Gag balls. Love letters. Massages. And the best thing? Diamonds. Once a year, we get to throw on some heart shaped, sequin nip tassels in hopes to be gifted diamonds, from our Valentine, in return for our kind and slutty gestures. We all know the classics. The tennis bracelet. The diamond stud earring. The pave diamond heart pendant. Truth is, not all of us will get diamonds on Valentine’s Day but dry your eyes bitches! Here are some untraditional and lust worthy pieces you will want to get heels to Jesus for!
1. These Oscar De La Renta garnet hued drop earrings are red hot! These are from the man who wants his lady to look sexy as hell. Maybe for the girl who has everything and looks good in nothing but earrings and pumps.
2. You in one of those long distance relationships? Well, this is the perfect gift for the girl who’s heart is in another state.
3. Want cartier diamonds but your man doesn’t have the money to go big or go home? These little beauties come in the right box and won’t totally break his bank.
4. Mismatched earrings are as in as anal this season. Nothing says love, like, well, love!
5. Mesh metals are sexy and fucking classic especially when they are handed to you in that little blue box. Receiving this necklace will make you slip your old man that little blue pill.
6. Nothing says I want to stare at your titties quite like a lariat style necklace and when he gives you this, you will let him play with your titties too!
7. You may let him handcuff you to the bed post after he puts this classic cuff on your wrist.
8. A heart shaped,evil eye necklace? Hell mother effing YES!
9. Love spelled out in diamonds? This right here proves he really does love your ass!
10. This black heart is badass and perfect for the bitter bitch who wants to buy herself something for Valentines Day!
11. Elsa Peretti sure knows how to create the perfect open heart earrings that will surely get your man to get you to open your legs.
12. I love myself, too. Maybe enough to wear this and share it with all of you!
13. I would consider giving my man (if I had one) a blumpkin if he got this for me to slip on.
14. Black and white diamonds eternally intertwined together on your finger will make you do big girl things with your man.
15. You want me to do what in bed, you sick son of a bitch? (Your man hands you a box with this inside) You happily do it.
16. This bad ass cuff makes for a perfectly untraditional gift, wouldn’t you say?
And there you have it, you little sluts and lonely, bitter bitches. Make sure to accidentally leave your computer open so your lover knows exactly what you need to get in order for you to give it up this Valentine’s Day.
Remember… you deserve it all, so go on and get it, sisters! xoxo