The Time I met Jax Taylor
You know how every once in a while the stars align perfectly for you and things just seem to be going your way? That is how last Saturday was looking for me. I started my day with some awesome yoga when I received a text from Michelle saying “guess who will be at Shay (Chicago club) tonight.” Two things I don’t do well, guessing and clubs. Let’s be honest, by the time club time rolls around, I’m hammered. Lolo’s done. In any case, Jen, a good friend of TSP, told Michelle that THE Jax Taylor will be at Shay that night. Would I have preferred Hot Peter? Well, obviously. But Jax would do. I was so frigging excited as I have never met a reality star before and this was a total first for me. All I wanted was a quick hello, a good selfie (for proof and TSP, of course) and an adult beverage. What more could a blogger ask for? What I didn’t want was any other souvenirs from Jax. You follow? I spent the day visiting with friends, drinking vino and bebopping all over the city until it was time to try and meet Jax. Around midnight I got clearance that he had officially arrived at Shay. I thought to myself, “this is it! I finally get to meet a D list celebrity, I have waited my whole life!”. So myself, my husband and some friends ventured over to Shay and thanks to Jen, we were on the list and whisked directly inside. This will not be the first time I thank Jen in this post. The vibe was everything you can imagine; beautiful people, dimly lit ambiance, good music, half naked servers, the whole package. When suddenly it seemed as if a spot light was shining from behind the bar and Jax magically appeared! Eventually, I finally got a good look at him and noticed he did something different with his hair…it was as if he cut a bang. You read that right. A bang. Eager for a closer look at his new do and for my official selfie I began to make my way to the bar and joined Jen who had a front row seat to our “realebrity”. Of course Jax was doing what he does best…bar tending. I wiggled my way in, yoga posed my way up and over the bar a bit, introduced myself quickly and kindly asked for a selfie; which he very politely agreed to and was super nice about. Here’s the selfie:
I know what you’re thinking. It’s terrible. It’s frigging awful. It’s dark, you can barely tell who’s who. For all you know that’s me on the left and Jax on the right. But here’s the thing, unfortunately, the story doesn’t end after the selfie. You see…many of you who know me know this whole long hair thing is new to me. It has a mind of it’s own and indeed it is hard for me to tame sometimes. If you look closely at our selfie you’ll notice a small candle to the left. Now close your eyes and imagine another small candle….right.under.my.hair. POOF! That girl is on fire! (Sing along) And I mean, I was on fire. All I saw was a big, orange-reddish glow to my right. Oh and the smell, you know what’s up when you smell hair on fire. It’s no bueno. If it weren’t for Jen I would probably be hanging out in the burn unit at Rush Hospital. I can tell you based on the horrified looks on the club goers faces, no one else was jumping in to help as I think they were in complete and utter shock. My bad. Jen is my personal hero, she even used her GD bare hands to put the fire out. Didn’t even take a second to consider her other options. Bare hands people, bare hands! And not only is she a hero, she’s a girls girl. Even as I was pulling out a good two or three handfuls of hair she kept saying, “it’s ok, your hair still looks good. No one will EVER notice what happened.” That, my friends, is what a true tipsy hero says and does! And I didn’t have to worry about anyone actually seeing the aftermath because you could smell me coming from a mile away.
And that is the time I met Jax Taylor. Perhaps he’ll always remember his Chicago visit as the time a crazy blonde girl climbed the bar and caught on fire. One could only hope.
Shahs of Sunset
God I am LOVING Asa this season. Anytime anyone drops a huge bomb of information it is only proper to leave the room and come back with something strong to drink. Gigi totally gave up some private information that Mike tried to bump uglies with her last season, but why is that so shocking? I mean, yes he has a girlfriend but those two flirted endlessly last year. This did not surprise me at all. However, it seems as though Reza was SHOCKED.
All I know is that if I ever need to divulge top secret info, my friends are cool enough to pinky swear that they will never tell a soul! I wonder who will slip and tell first…..
Gigi cracks me up. She used to scare the shit out of me, but I hear she is getting some anger management and homegirl is keeping it real chill this season which is quite refreshing. Her set up on the couch is amazing. She has her phone, her remote and her “safety”…aka a HUUUUGE, gigantic knife named Tucan.
We learned another new word this week, “chesh” meaning evil eye. Even in Italy, you don’t F with the evil eye.
I can’t even tell who is who between these two plaidaholics. And doesn’t the plaid on the right look like Mark Consuelos??? He totally does!
Whoa!!! I searched for “Mark Consuelos with a beard” and this came up! WHAAAAT?! #thosebangs
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Ok I am team Eileen all the way. I LOVE her. She says it like it is and if someone calls her out on something she did say, she owns it. The Brandi debacle was a perfect example. Brandi says, “you called me an alcoholic”. And Eileen’s reply, “nooooo, I called you a mean and angry drunk”. I mean, could she be more real and badass? I am SO over Brandi. Her and her nails need to be gone!
Let’s talk about the slap. What in the world is wrong with this woman? I know she was kidding and not trying to hurt Lisa V, but how many times does she need to piss people off before someone ninja kicks her right in the vagina?!
Next week we finally see Lisa R tell Kyle that even Brandi has voiced her concern over Kim. What took so long!? I can’t wait to see how that crazy betch turns this around on Lisa and causes utter chaos per usual. She needs prayers people.
Until next week! And remember…always tie up your hair before leaning over an open flame! XOXO