COOL ASS SHIT ALERT! We are super stoked to be launching this new series here at TSP. Brought to you by a couple of super cool, hilariously witty friends named Winnie and Cass, these two are basically sisters from other Misters and you are going to become obsessed with them just as much as we are. Watching them and hearing them is positively fascinating. You won’t be able to get enough of their banter and bullshit (the most fantastic bullshit around!) and they are super stars when it comes to committing (ethical) debauchery. You may recognize Winnie. She is no stranger to guest blogging up in here and seeing how much you all loved her previous work we decided to bring her back to guest blog a series with her bosom buddy, Cass. Without further ado, Cass and Winnie’s Most Ethical Chronicles of Debauchery: The Restaurant Edition. Enjoy.
We’re lifelong Chicago residents who met the first week of 7th grade and have been friends since. Our free time is mainly spent planning where to eat, what to eat, actually eating (while imbibing copious amounts of booze), snarking on just about everything, and inspecting for sun damage. Here is a list of restaurants we’ve curated to make dining with certain characters in your life easier and, hopefully, fun.
The New Money
Aviary – Their cocktails are a spectacle and strong, which can only lead to increasingly amusing peacock strutting.
RPM Steak – Splurge on pricey bottles of wine and cuts of meat while spotting celebrities. They have a side called Millionaire’s Potato for crying out loud.
Momotaro – Currently one of the most expensive sushi/robata spots in the city. Sneak down to the izakaya/bar in the basement for a nightcap before leaving.
Sixteen – Pop bottles and enjoy a tasting menu surrounded by the warm glow of the Trump sign. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, bitches.
The Simple Eater
The Gage – The perfect place to go with finicky coworkers after work. They also have great hand soap.
Grange Hall Burger Bar – The decor screams hipster Cracker Barrel. And there is a hotdog on the menu; it doesn’t get much simpler when there’s a hotdog on the menu.
Uncommon Ground – They have an easy, approachable menu and a good selection of vegetarian options. Close enough to Wrigley if you don’t feel like going too lowbrow after a game.
Cafe Babareeba – Sangria! Almost everyone enjoys tapas. This might even force your friend into trying new dishes, especially with the guarantee of not having to waste an entire entree if he or she doesn’t love it.
The Calorie Counter
Beatrix – Sure the caramel pie is going to send you over the edge, but you can earn it by eating things like salad with yogurt dressing, quinoa, and turkey meatloaf beforehand. There is also a nice selection of freshly squeezed juice concoctions, alcohol optional.
Nando’s Peri Peri – The chain lists the calorie information online for optimal pre-dining planning. A ¼ chicken (breast and wing) with a side salad will cost your diet a mere 356 calories. So reasonable you don’t have to feel guilty having a naughty nata for dessert (220 calories).
Greek Islands – Studies show a Mediterranean diet is best. You can manage a very reasonable meal here if you steer clear of the creamier dishes, anything layered in filo, or cheese that is on fire. Stick with the grilled seafood and you’ll come out a winner.
mfk – Also in line with the Mediterranean diet recommendation. There’s a large selection of vegetables (“from the soil”) to let you get your veg on. There is also a lovely, light seafood stew made up of cobia collar, clams, and shrimp. Just don’t go crazy with the side of grilled bread so you can calorie splurge on the basque cake later.
Maude’s – This fan favorite takes reservations and is the easiest Sodikoff restaurant to get a table at. The crowd isn’t overly loud or fancy but still civilized while the food is well prepared and approachable.
Le Colonial – Upscale Vietnamese fare, for older parents or even grandparents who are into rattan chairs and being surrounded by palm fronds.
Sepia – Perfectly elegant and innocuous. Their well-rounded menu should keep everyone happy…if not, order another delicious cocktail.
North Pond – Refined without being too “out there”. Scenic without being cheesy. Plus the food is good enough to earn them a Michelin star.
Boarding House – Perfect restaurant for wino parents. The display of wine glasses above the first floor bar is impressive and a good excuse for your parents to practice taking pictures with their phones.
The Childhood Friend Turned Hipster
Three Dots & a Dash – The downtown location will work for you, and the alley entrance will still earn you a nod of approval. Who doesn’t like tiki bars? The answer to that is “no one”. Live on the edge and order only drinks with the skull of death next to them.
Fat Rice – Delicious Macanese food. Where is Macau? Your hipster friend can tell you. The Logan Square restaurant is an easy skateboard/bike trip away from your friend’s slowly gentrifying apartment building. Be sure they secure their man-bun before setting off.
Maria’s Packaged Goods – The premiere hipster watering hole in Bridgeport. They also have an impressive and delicious cocktail menu. Have a savory pie in the barely air-conditioned (or barely heated if you go in the winter) Pleasant House Bakery next door beforehand.
Furious Spoon – Because all the cool kids are into ramen and this joint is in Wicker Park. Props to the owner for leaving his fine dining roots and focusing on ramen. Hardcore.
Ming Hin – Late night dim sum is cooler than eating dim sum during the day when all the regular families with children are out.
Um. How much do you love them? Yeah. Us too. Look forward to enjoying their work every now and again here at TSP because this stuff is awesome! Since you just read about some cool ass places to dine in Chicago, go ahead and check out this little piece by The Mister Project. He knows how to have fun in Chicago. Michelle also put together a fun little list of things to do in the city, as well. Hit this up and get yourselves into the city and enjoy it while the weather is still enjoyable! Mad Love.
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