I know we all love looking at cute little kids sitting with Santa. I mean, what’s not to love about putting your child on a complete stranger’s lap? To be fair, there are some very authentic, possibly even real Santas out there, but there are also some legitimately frightening, possible fugitives having little kids chill on laps as they ask for Barbies and toy trucks. Ugh. Just this past holiday season, I saw the same scary Santa Claus plastered all over my Facebook newsfeed hanging with some of my FB friend’s kids. I’m not going to lie, no child of mine would have been chatting with that Santa. He looked like a combination of dead and high. Having seen this jolly ol’ fella, this gentleman inspired me to hunt down some of the Internet’s scariest Santas and boy did I find some keepers…some that even have come back from the dead! Let’s have a look at some of the most f’d up Santas out there, shall we? Buckle up butter cups and my apologies in advance if you’re reading this right before bedtime. Lord knows I don’t want any of these dudes coming down my chimney this Christmas Eve. No way, Jose.
Oh look, this Santa is dead. His hands are literally gray and he is clearly gasping for air. Is it possible to die of cataracts? That poor child. Nope.
Is it just me or does this man look like a hammered Robert DeNiro?! I’m so right.
We all know the legend of Santa Claus, but have you heard the one of Satan Claus? He is super reclusive and only likes ginger kids. Here he is in the flesh.
Well if this isn’t the most tuckered out Santa in all of the North Pole! Would you look at that baggage?! I can’t tell if homeboy needs some coffee or some Ambien! Also, why is anyone allowing him to touch that precious little girl? #hellno Side note: Apparently this is a photo from the future. #2031
I was wondering where all my cotton balls went!
Let’s be honest, this little lady would make a better Santa than the impostor standing behind her. She sure is jolly and has the daintiest hands ever.
Has anyone called the Guiness Book of World Records yet? This man is certainly part of that little family that holds the record for having massive amounts of facial hair. I mean, why would the creator of this “wig” make his GD forehead hairy? He looks like a used tampon.
Ok, this man doesn’t even look like he is trying. He is clearly either very full or very drunk. Either way, I want nothing to do with him and he needs to go back to AA yesterday.
Oh dear. It’s the evil, white eyed ghost of Old St. Nick. He clearly steals the souls of the young and has ten tiny dead reindeer guiding him through your nightmares. This man is in fact dead.
Why is that kid smiling? If that were me, I would have already stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake…I would have gouged his eyes out first, but it looks like some one beat me to it! Ps. I hate his rosy cheeks and nose as well as that little gnome sidekick of his.
Ummmmm, is that a soot unibrow Santa has on? And what the hell happened to his beard?! I can smell him from here. #dirtysanta
I can’t tell if that is a human under that mask or if it’s a gigantic doll Santa. Either way, I’m with homegirl on the right. Love her pointy, “get me the hell off this creep” scream.
Seriously? This parent gave the ok for their child to sit on this psycho’s lap? I hate his face, his weird brown leather gloves and what looks like the mood bracelet he is wearing. Sick.
Those are some bulbous cheeks! And that chick looks bored as hell. Of all the Santas here, he is possibly the most legit. However, there is something about his mustache, eyebrows and that crazy look in his eyes that has me all sorts of creeped out.
There is a lot going on here. For those of you who were there, this Santa below may remind you of the “stripper” we hired for Michelle’s bachelorette party. But it can’t be the same guy, because I don’t see a ball hanging out of his panties. Whoa! I just realized that this Santa is spoken for ladies, keep your mitts off!
Sweet dreams TSPeeps! If you find any of these Santas coming down your chimney tomorrow night…grab the littles and save yourselves! MERRY CHRISTMAS, HO HO HO!
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