We all have those days. Or weeks. Or months. You wake up feeling blah and you just can’t quite snap out of it. Funks are brutal. Winter is dreary and gloomy and that alone, TSPeeps, can sonic boom our a$$es into Funktown and I know no one wants to spend too much time in those parts. Feeling sluggish, unmotivated, unattractive, and down blows huge nards. Here’s the deal. No one is going to do it for you. No one is going to pep you up every time you need it/massage your ego consistently enough to make a solid difference in the way you see yourself and the way you feel about yourself. You are the lucky CEO of that biz. The biz I am referring to is “you”. If you are relying on someone other than yourself to do the job, your business is going to fail and go belly up, lights out. No one is going to do the job of “you” the way it needs to be done. I am not going to get into all of that right now because that is a MAJOR discussion and we need to start at square 1. I am going to discuss some simple stuff you can do at home, right now, to alter your mood and self perception. By altering the way you feel right now, you will alter the way you feel entirely, eventually, once you book yourself that one way ticket out of Funktown. Baby steps, people. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Prioritizing ourselves is what we are going to start doing today. Simply trimming your bush or putting mascara on will help your “business” and have you feeling better in no time. I happen to know a thing or two about all of this, so listen up. We’ve got work to do.
Shave It: Now, depending on your love life this simple task could be a major one. I know how you girls are who don’t have a gentleman caller. You are hairy like animals. Busy moms and chicks with hectic schedules tend to load up on the body hair this time of year as well. Make sure you have the right equipment for the job and get ‘er done. While you are at it, trim up the rest of your unwanted body hair, unless of course, that disco bush and the little kid you are giving a head lock to makes you feel pretty. I guarantee, this will lighten your spirits and have you feeling prettier before you clog that drain!
Start Spritzing: Wearing your favorite scent is a game changer. Your olfactory system has a keen memory and is also very sentimental and nostalgic. The minute it gets a whiff of something that makes you feel pretty/sexy, your brain will automatically agree. When you smell good, you feel good!
Lipstick Will Fix It: Ok, class. Repeat after me. When you look good, you feel good! All together now! I don’t care who you are, what you have been told, or what you think. You need makeup. And putting some on will have you feeling prettier and happier in a jiffy. Make time to put on your war paint everyday because if you want to win this battle in Funktown, you will need it.
Supplemental Necessities: B12 and Vitamin D are champs. These are my go to vitamins this time of year. Taking your vitamins benefit your physical and mental self so get to popping!
Get the Urge To Purge: You will be surprised to see what decluttering and organizing your personal space will do for you mental state. Whenever I am in a funk I clean the bejesus out of my closets, car, and makeup. I feel a weight lifted and a sense of calm and order which gets my mood and stress level where they need to be in order for me to concentrate on the most important thing in my life. Me. Get after it.
Denim Does The Trick: Listen, I am not here to judge. I am here to assist you all in becoming a happier, more beautiful you. If wearing a pair of mom jeans with a 12 inch zipper gets you to your happy place, then have at it and wear ’em proudly, mom! There is something about wearing a pair of your favorite jeans that works wonders for your psyche. You will feel more put together and actually sexier in no time. And jeans don’t lie. Wearing leggings and yoga pants everyday may be comfy as hell but do you realize those expanding waste bands may be enabling your expanding ass? Wearing a nicely fit pair of jeans will let you know when you have overindulged. Try it.
Sweat: Out of everything I do to alter my self esteem and mood when I am feeling down, this one is the mother of all mood lifters. Why? Because working out produces serotonin in your brain. Serotonin is related to mood, sexual desire and function, appetite, sleep, memory and learning, temperature regulation, and some social behavior. Wait. Working out also gets you looking better, right? Yep. Sure does. There are no excuses other than your excuses which aren’t even good excuses. Download this app and get off your butt and break a sweat in the comfort of your own home. Like, now.
You Are What You Eat: Nothing, NOTHING, gets me feeling worse about myself than eating poorly. I have major food guilt issues and food guilt will send you straight to an emotional clinker serving a life sentence if you don’t change your diet today. I know people struggle with this and I understand because I struggle with it too at times, but diets must change in order for you to change the way you perceive yourself and the way you feel daily. If you start eating healthy in the morning it is easier to maintain a healthy diet throughout the day. Go to the grocery store, load your cart with whole foods, and have things readily available for you all of the time. Prep food so when you get to the point of hungry you reach for something healthy and ready instead of something convenient and gross. This is major.
Paint ‘Em: This is a very easy and superficial way to feel pretty in no time. Grab your favorite nail color and paint those nails right now. You will feel pretty before they have had time to dry! Why do you think nail spas are slammed pack with chicks everyday? Because it makes them feel pretty, of course!
Sex Sells: Wearing something sexy is for you, not them. If you snap on the sexiest bra you own and sport that underneath your sweater all day instead of that sports bra that gives you a uniboob, you will, without a doubt, feel prettier and sexier. It will be our little secret.
No Corn Nuts Here: If you have bleach strips or bleaching trays at home, use them right now! Turning those corn nuts into pearly whites will work wonders for you psyche and of course your smile!
Om: Chilling out and taking a moment to destress will benefit they way you look and feel. Meditate. If you don’t know how, learn how. I color daily to relieve stress and chill out. Adult coloring books=my happy place.
Scrub A Dub Dub: Sometimes it is as easy as washing your pits. I know what it’s like to be in a funk and I also know what it’s like to be so busy with kids and life, daily showering becomes a thing of the past. Stop that stinky sh!t right now and take a nice warm shower or bath. This may come to a surprise to some of you but cleansing your body feels good and who feels pretty when they haven’t showered?
Hair About Yourself: I am def guilty of this. The trusty ponytail. It is so easy to just throw your hair up into a pony or disheveled bun. The truth is, it will not help your cause. Doing your hair is kind of major. I know it is easier said than done but let me tell you about my little friend dry shampoo. Game changer. With this, you will literally only have to wash your hair two/three times per week giving the old blow out a much friendlier welcome back into your life. This falls under the category and philosophy of looking good and feeling good.
Bronze Goddess: What’s worse? Pasty, pale skin or a few dark tan streaks? Def the Powder look. Don’t be afraid. Trust me. Having a little tan and bronze glow to your skin will change your mood real fast. Being tan also helps mask some of that cellulite that pisses you off. Mamas here. Follow my advice and smile the rest of the day.
Pump It Up: I am not suggesting you throw on a pair of heels to drop the kids off at school (unless of course you are hard core and want to. Totally been there.) I am suggesting you throw on a pair of heels the next time you go out somewhere. Dniner, date night, drinks with the girls, family gathering etc. Heels elongate your legs. Your tree trunks won’t feel so stumpy and you will for sure feel sexier. Today though, instead of throwing on your Uggs or sneakers to run errands, why not throw your jeans on and opt for a pair of killer boots or something. You will feel cuter than you have in awhile.
The Big O: Don’t cringe and stop being a prude. That may be part of your problem! Listen, you need to chill out and you also need to feel sexier, right? What is the best way to do both of those things at the same time? Have an orgasm. I don’t care how you do it, just get it done and the rest of the day you will be walking on sunshine.
Believe It And See It: If you don’t believe it, you certainly won’t believe it if someone else tells you. You need to do this every single day. Look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. In this case, believing is seeing. If you believe you’re beautiful, you will see beautiful and other people will see it too.
Ah. I feel better already! We all get in funks sometimes. That is not important. What is important is getting out of them. As women, feeling pretty, sexy, and “together” puts major pep in our step. We thrive when we feel beautiful. We need and want to feel beautiful. You want to know what else makes us thrive? Love. Being loved. Let’s focus on building our self love, the most important love, working on our “businesses” and getting that one way ticket back to Happyland. You are your life’s greatest project. Let’s work on making it a masterpiece.
Love it. Live it. Share it.