Calling all expecting moms, new moms, and anyone out there who knows moms. Did you know insurance companies now cover breast pumps? Like, literally supply you with a free brand new breast pump? And who out there is looking forward to dealing with your insurance company to get one? Nope. Not I. And I am sure I am not alone here. But have no fear, Ashland Health is here! Wait. Who or what is Ashland Health? Holy cannoli. You’re going to freak out. Basically, they are a high end concierge service for your milkers. These Booby Godmothers get a brand spanking new, insurance covered breast pump delivered to your boobs, I mean house. You contact them, they contact your insurance company and they get you your breast pump (proper instructions below) and all the other boob stuff you need to do the deed… of breastfeeding. It doesn’t stop there though, but I will tell about the rest of their awesomeness in just a bit. First, let’s polish up on our breast pump knowledge so we can all understand why this high end concierge service for the milkers is so badass and necessary.
Why do mothers even need a breast pump? Listen up now, ya hear?
-Tongue tied babies
-Benjamin making moms (moms who work)
-Moms whose nips are tore up from the floor up
-Reserve milk for emergencies
-Moms who have cool a$$ partners who help feed during the night so the milker can catch some Zzzz’s
-To increase the milk flow
-Some cool a$$ mamas will pump to induce milk flow to feed an adopted baby
-To help draw out flat or inverted nips (My sister Lauren def does not have this problem #BigNips)
-Moms who have had a few too many and need to pump and dump
-Moms who need to express milk due to engorgement
So, basically everyone who gives birth and wants to try out breast feeding needs a breast pump. And in my opinion even if you aren’t “planning” on breast feeding, you should still get a pump. Why? Because not everything goes as planned. I should know.
Back in 2009 I gave birth to my first child, Max. I swore up and down I would never breastfeed because, well, I didn’t want a kid on my boob. I had no intentions whatsoever to let my son suck on my nips. That was until the moment he birthed from my body and I heard his beautiful, little pterodactyl cry. It was like he was singing to my nipples and the song title was “give me my precious little child so I can feed him some of my Mothers Milk.” From that moment on Max and I were bosom buddies and I fell in love with the breastfeeding bond my son and I developed. Max was a beautiful nurser who latched on perfectly and suckled milk from my HUGE milk filled breasts like a champ. It was a life changing experience.
My milk came in. What makes this picture of my knockers even more incredible than it already is, is this picture of me at my wedding 11 months prior.
I breastfed him without a problem for months but suddenly it all started to head south and it headed south real fast. I began producing enough milk to feed my entire town. Poor little fella couldn’t handle my intense milk flow. He was literally drowning and after a few nights of putting him in a life preserver and saving him from death by milk I decided to throw in the towel. This was about 3 months in. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT MY OB TOLD ME TO DO. Quit cold turkey. I did mention I produced enough milk to feed my whole town, right? Yeah. They knew that too. So, I did as I was told and ALMOST DIED FROM ENGORGEMENT. Now, my next door neighbor was a lactation consultant at the hospital where I delivered my son. Why I didn’t consult her when I decided to stop is beyond me but you bet your a$$ I called her once engorgement set in. She told me to self express, just a little, to relieve some of the pain. Small problem. My breasts were so engorged I couldn’t even tweak my nips to get some milk out. The skin was so taut my nips were flat. Try tweaking a wall’s nipples. Seriously. Try to pinch your wall. That is precisely what it was like for me and let me tell you, I was rocking some huge ass franken-nipples while breastfeeding so for them to not be tweakable anymore was just unbelievable. Now, had I had a breast pump I would have expressed some milk to help reduce and relieve engorgement and I probably would have lasted a while longer on the breastfeeding train because I could have pumped and fed my kid bottled boob milk. Sure wish I knew then what I know now.
Here is where we get back to talking about our Booby Godmothers over at Ashland Health. So far you know they can get you a free breast pump through your health insurance but it doesn’t stop there. These awesome good doers answer all of your questions, provide you with a lactation consultant upon request, provide you with top notch nip cream, valuable information and just wait – Ashland is a hands on, personalized service, provided by an ALL FEMALE team! This means you aren’t going to call them while you’re crying because your nips are cracked off, desperate for a pump and talk to some dude named John who knows he likes boobs but doesn’t have any of his own and can’t relate to your nip 911. No. You are going to talk to chicks. Moms. Women. People who can relate, sympathize, and provide you, your boobs, and your precious cargo with the service, expertise, and products you need in order to have a successful and positive experience while breastfeeding and pumping. There is so much to know and learn it’s ridiculous we aren’t taught all of this before giving birth. My favorite service provided by Ashland is the lactation consultant who will literally come to your house and help you. I mean, using a breast pump without the help of a lactation consultant is like driving a car without a license. It’s a crime, sisters. Oh, and did you know not all tata’s require the same size nip shield for pumping? Some chicks need small ones. Some medium. Some chicks need huge ones, the size of garbage can lids. My sister, Michelle, totally needed the trash can lid sized. Ashland helps you with all of your personalized needs. I wish I had them in my life back in the day because with my second child I made sure to borrow my sisters pump and wait for it…….. I didn’t know I was supposed to use nip cream while pumping. Yep. I was dry pumping. Sure was! OUCH! And listen. This is not a die hard, “breast feed or die” group of women who are trying to get you to drink the Kool Aid. No way, Jose. These chicks are cool as hell. Believe me, if I say they are cool, they are. They are non-judgmental and very smart. This is a service that is an asset to us and it should be utilized. Needs to be utilized, rather. Basically, every single woman who gives birth to a human needs to call Ashland Health and receive their FREE breast pump today. I mean.. who doesn’t love free stuff?!?
Please share this post with the world! Share it on Facebook, email it to a friend, call someone who is expecting… let’s all take advantage of this incredible opportunity. Our boobs thank you.
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The Sister Project was compensated for this post, however, all thoughts and opinions are 100% our own.