I am just in awe of some of these ingenious inventions. I mean, Alexander Graham who?!? These are the inventions of the true inventors of all time! This shit is what history books are made of. Why are we teaching our children about Steve Jobs and The Wright brothers when we could be teaching them about the inventors of this brilliance below?!? Please, read and learn what the incredible inventors of our time have come up with. Truly the unthinkable.
The Boob Earrings
Not only can you pick the skin tone but you can also customize the nipple and areola color? Puttin’ one pair of fair skinned, pink nipped boob stud earrings in my cart stat.
The Duo Toilet
If spouses began shitting together and spending more quality time together then maybe, just maybe, more marriages would last. Nothing like hearing the sweet sounds of plops and sniffing the stomach turning smells of someone else’s poo to really get things going in the right direction.
The Low Hang Bike
If someone I know rolled up in one of these things I would look at them with a blank ass look and turn around and walk away. I would never be friends with them again. And can we talk about how unsafe this thing is? I mean one little tiny bump and your knees are toast.
Big Bush Underwear
I can’t lie. I love these and I am buying them. Basically, it is an exact replica of what I am rocking these days . #single
Some granola broad whipped these bad boys up and came up with this lame idea of calling them Picnic Pants. Have another hit, sister. Ain’t no one going to throw a pair of these pleated denim clam diggers on and hit up a park dining indian style using this shit as a GD plate. I would put these on and bust a frigging move to some old school jams, yo. It’s Hammertime! Let’s call them what they are. They are MC Hammer pants.
This guy could serve a 7 course meal on his “Picnic Pants”.
I shit you not, these exist. And if you hear why I would ever wear them, you may actually buy a pair. Been with that horny bastard for some time now and you don’t want his pecker anywhere near you? The old yeast infection story ain’t cutting it anymore? Throw on some hairy leggings. You and your vagina will be safe as hell.
The Goatee Saver
I have seen some jacked up facial hair art in my day. It can actually be quite entertaining to see in real life. A couple of uneven, cockeyed goatees have made my day in the past. However, I would rather see my man, any man, walking around with a busted ass goatee looking a fool rather than ever seeing this contraption on a dudes face. Do guys actually use this thing? Come forward and show yourself. And wait a minute. Now that I think of it, I have shaved my pubes into some really incredible shapes and shit. I never used a “pube saver” and that is some precious junk down there. Any man who needs to use this thing is a wimp lacking creative vision and self control.
The Mustache Guard
I can’t even deal. If the inventor is going to spend all this time and thought on this garbage why didn’t he make it a full metal mustache AND beard guard? Huh? This dude doesn’t need a mustache guard as badly as he needs a BEARD guard. Homeboy has Vodka sauce all over that thing. PS: If I ever, EVER, saw a man wearing this thing I would snap his mustache guard the way boys used to snap my bra in grade school. Bloop!
Poopy-Time Fun Shapes
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait just a GD minute. You mean to tell me someone came up with this idea and their friends and family were all like, “Wow, Tom/Beth. That is a brilliant idea! Patent that immediately before someone else does!” I can’t. Just in case your brain wouldn’t allow you to think any further as a defense mechanism, this here is inserted into your child’s butthole. Yep. And then they poo out shapes. It is all about making bathroom time fun again. I shit you not.
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