Walk with me. We’ll figure out where we are going later. I am sure the thought of just letting go a little and figuring shit out later makes a few of you very uneasy. I get it. Letting go was/is at times incredibly difficult for me. I am a planner. I am particular. Having things perfectly planned out is ideal, right? Wrong. What is ideal is enjoying life. Life without worry and anxieties. It is inevitable… we will all have anxieties and worries in our lives no matter what we do. That is a part of life. But why make life more difficult? More worrisome? More complex? There is something really frightening about letting go. But the truth is, once I allowed myself to, I was relieved! I am not talking about giving up on life and becoming a frigging loser who flies by the seat of his/her pants all day everyday. I am talking about letting go, relaxing, not setting your bar so high you can’t reach it without a struggle. I am talking about not chasing perfect anymore. Chasing that jazz will make you go bonkers and the people around you will go bonkers too. I see some of the husbands and wives who strive for perfection. I actually see a lot of me in them. Well, the old me. The one who needed every detail perfect, every minute planned, every everything just the way it needed to be… so I thought. I drove my ex husband crazy. I know this. I drove myself crazy too. I also began to see I was messing my son up a little too when he was a baby. I constantly wiped his face, sanitized, wouldn’t let him get too dirty, helicopter mom shit. I realized my strive for perfection and constant planning was doing harm not good. Not only was it causing issues with other people, it was harming me too. I was constantly anxious. I had expectations that were very difficult to be met. What was the point? I did some soul searching and found out I needed to let go a little.
So here is what I have found out the past half decade of my life regarding striving for perfection and making plans. Life doesn’t always go as planned. From big huge plans to the teeniest tiniest of plans. If we as humans want to live happily one thing we need to do is expect shit to not go as planned. Should we make plans? Yeah. Should we be bummed if they don’t work out? Yeah. But by not striving for perfection you allow yourself to be free of the need to be perfect, or to have everything perfect. Perfection is unattainable without the cost of our sanity (and our loved ones’ sanity). It took a long time for me to be ok with this. I didn’t plan on being where I am right now. I planned it all much much differently. It took a long time for me to be cool with this kind of unplanned life I am living. Figuring out where I was having dinner on Saturday night with my husband has now turned into not knowing if I am going to be able to take my kids on memorable family vacations now that they come from a “broken home”. I hate that term, btw. Our home is not broken. It was broken. I mended my home when I signed my divorce papers. I digress. Not having my life go the way I had planned was not only daunting and scary but it caused a tremendous amount of anxiety. I realized though that I just can’t control it. I cannot possibly control how my life pans out. I can do my best for it to go that direction by doing what’s right and what needs to be done for things to potentially go as planned but it kind of ends there. What I can control, however, is my reaction. I can control how I react when my expectations aren’t met or when my kids spill juice on my new rug. My reaction is what ultimately matters. Does this make sense? Here is a good example. When my marriage didn’t work out and I realized my husband wasn’t the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I could have reacted by being bitter as hell and pissed the eff off. Instead I realized that things just don’t always go as planned and with this new unplanned circumstance came a new hope. It’s not only about rolling with life’s punches it is also about finding the silver lining when things don’t go the way you had planned. I found happiness in knowing I had gotten myself a second chance. I had gained hope. That is where I directed my thoughts from there. I learned to let go of my anxieties. I had to. I tried so hard to obtain what I had planned but instead I am here. Happily, in my new life.
It is important to know there is something quite beautiful about finally being able to let go. Not having to have everything perfect, not having the night perfectly and completely planned, having no time restraints on a Sunday, going on a trip and just relaxing and seeing where the day takes you. Sometimes the hardest thing for some people is letting go. And thinking about that is actually kind of funny.Think about how hard it is to be perfect. How much pressure you put on yourself to plan every detail. To look perfect. To seem perfect. That, my friends, is frigging hard. What’s easy is enjoying life. That is easy and beautiful… once you get used to letting go a little, that is. So next time you are getting your panties in a bunch over dinner reservation or something along those lines? Just remember… you are driving yourself and the people around you crazy. Stop and try to just let go a little and see what happens. You will be just fine and so will everything else. Oh, and you will enjoy the feeling of letting go a little. Promise.
Mad love, TSPeeps!
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