The Massarella family is at it again, helping me become the best version of me. I have recently evolved. It seems I am ever evolving (thank sweet baby Jesus), something I have grown to embrace and love. In order to evolve one must accept change and change can be incredibly difficult. I know this all too well. I have grown accustomed to change. Change became a large presence in my life as a teenager. I changed schools, friends, bedrooms (to be closer to my parents room), my appearance, my seats in class, my boyfriends, my passions, my goals…. I didn’t welcome change as much as I do now. Back then I resented it. In retrospect all of those major changes in my life were a blessing and conditioned me for all of the humongous changes I have had to endure and embrace as an adult. A lot of the change I have encountered these past few years has been incredibly difficult, at times almost too difficult to bear. I am actually quite impressed and a little surprised by my strength because for a long time I was broken. Broken or not, though, the stress this past half a decade has brought me (some self inflicted) could have brought a strong ass man to his knees. It has taken me years to recover from emotional abuse that broke my spirit and stole my pride. I was told I was weak and would fail. It resonated within me even after the bullshit ended. I have worked diligently to shed those layered lies that were inflicted on my me and became who I thought I was. I am officially free of them. I have taken the last step in my journey of becoming independent and self confident. At one time I believed I wouldn’t be able to handle let alone thrive as a working single mom. I mean, I was a frigging stay at home mom and homemaker. I neglected my own career and future to have babies and raise them. I didn’t have a plan frigging B. After my divorce I felt destined to live a basic, financially difficult life raising my children as a single stay at home mom who worked part time as a self employed portrait photographer or who knows, maybe meet a man who would be able to give my kids and I a great life, one I would never be able to provide them because “I was not strong enough or smart enough to”. That life wasn’t for me, though. The one where we were taken care of by a man and were financially dependent on him for everything and if something, god forbid, happened to him or the relationship I would get FUCKED. Well, guess what? I got fucked and I will never be in that position again. The position of not knowing what bills we had, how much money was in the bank, where the money went, how much our mortgage was, how much our insurance was, when our car payments were due etc… The position of being financially devastated if a man wasn’t in our lives anymore. I will never be that girl again. And I won’t because I made a very positive and beneficial life choice. An opportunity presented itself and I basically jumped all over it. You must know, this was an opportunity that at one time would have horrified me, would have made me feel like I was settling or leading an ordinary life. Being ordinary was for a long time a fear of mine. I was basically chasing unicorns my whole life. Making this decision to go back to work for who I was going to be working for was a game changer. Big time. I for the first time in my life made a decision because it was the best decision for my future. For OUR future. Not what was best for me. Not what was best for me now. Not what was best for my ego. Not what was best for the image I had of myself in my head. I was given an opportunity to work with one of the most brilliant, hard working businessmen in Chicago. My father. Having the opportunity to learn something so valuable from someone so successful in business is an honor and a straight up gift. I must add my father and I have had somewhat of a damaged relationship for quite a few years now. Endless love, of course, but tension due to similar, strong personalities and differences of opinion, I suspect. Being able to sit in the same office as him and absorb his knowledge and legacy is the most valuable gift anyone could give me. Ever. The opportunity to build a life for myself and my kids. The opportunity to gain self respect and pride. The chance to show my father that I am an asset to his already successful business because I will make it even better. I decided to work for my family’s business not only because it was the most practical decision to make for myself and my family but very much so because I knew this opportunity would strengthen my relationship with my father. It would give me the chance to make my father proud of me on a different level. I realize now I have chosen a career in an area I do in fact have passion for…. my family.
If someone would have told me 5 years ago I was going to go through what I have and would be the person I am today I wouldn’t have believed them. Not for one second. I am so grateful for my babies. They have given me the ability to dig deeply into my soul to find the courage and desire to move forward with purpose and determination. It has always been there, the potential to thrive and succeed yet I lacked the reason and purpose to do it. I guess I just wasn’t enough for me. But I live now to be an example and inspiration for my children. Everything I do is for them, for us, so in the end my children will have me and our family as their source of pride and happiness. I want them to look at me the way I have always looked at my father. Like he is the most amazing man in the world. It is awesome what the power of motherhood and womanhood embodies. It is amazing how in the end the most important thing in the whole wide world is family.
I need to mention one last thing. My sister Michelle. She is my biggest cheer leader and is the reason I am in the position I am in today. I am as grateful for her as I am for my babies. She has endless faith in me and believes in my potential. When our mom left us in mind not body Michelle stepped in to be the mom I still so much need. She carries so much responsibility after taking the reigns as the family matriarch. I am sure she feels a sense of relief knowing I am now working with her for the family biz because she worries about me just as our mom did in her hay day. I admire you, Michelle, and am so lucky to have you as my big sister and my new mom. The Massarella’s are kind of fucking awesome, if I do say so myself 😉
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