From my experience love can be a very scary thing. Something you once thought was going to be the most beautiful aspect of your life has turned into the ugliest. It can be very difficult for someone who has gone through a failed marriage/relationship to walk out of it with hope and trust in life, love and people. I get it. I never felt hopeless after my divorce but when I began dating? Boy oh boy did that make it hard to believe that one day I would find my true love. The dudes hanging around the dating scene were wack! It certainly wasn’t going to be one of those yahoos. I am not writing this to bash single guys or talk about how jacked up it is to date after divorce. Nope. I am writing this to give all of you single ladies some hope as well as reach anyone out there who needs to love themselves more. I learned something really cool when I became single again and started dating. What I needed wasn’t the love of a man. What I needed was the love of myself. Had I met someone after my divorce that person was not going to be THE one unless I met that person after I fell back in love with myself first. Make any sense? Let me touch on this some more. When you love yourself you believe you are valuable and your sense of self cannot be compromised. When you love yourself you send out positive energy which in turn attracts like positive energy. When you love yourself you don’t need someone else to fill any voids. You don’t allow someone to put you down. When you love yourself you are content with being alone. When you love yourself you are comfortable in your own skin and only someone who sees how beautiful that is will be allowed to see you just the way you are. That right there is a huge honor. So when you are searching for love when you don’t even love yourself what do you think you will get? Kaka. If you don’t see your value no one else will, but the minute you begin to, your energy will open the eyes of others to see your value too. When you don’t see it you attract people who won’t see either and that right there is some bullshit. I have been there and for whatever reason I feel the need to explain something. I don’t blame my ex. Nope. I take responsibility for myself and the decisions I have made. I didn’t follow my intuition and I didn’t value myself enough. I was damaged, looking for something/someone to fill voids inside of me. I chose to be with someone who didn’t love me right. And it all goes back to the idea of self love. How could I have expected someone to love me when I didn’t even love myself? Once I healed and began to value myself more I began seeing things very differently, more clearly. And the clarity was shocking. I began to view life differently. My perspective had changed. It was no longer “who was going to make me happy?” it was now “I cannot wait to share this happiness with someone else.” I no longer worried about my romantic future, I began looking forward to it, knowing I would meet the person I was meant to be with because I was ready. I was whole and I was ready to expose myself (not my titties, my soul, you creeps!). I lived a long time hiding who I was because I was made to feel ashamed. Once I was able to see how beautiful I was on the inside, I began to allow myself to feel safe showing people who I am on the outside. Holy shit. That feeling was so freeing and beautiful. It was like a rebirth. Once I freed myself I was able to know what it was exactly I desired in life and how I needed to be loved in a relationship. I knew what I needed in order to continue evolving and to continue to feel peace and happiness in my life. I also knew what I needed in a man and I was not going to negotiate those terms. I dated. And dated. And dated. Every time leaving, looking forward to meeting the next man because that one was for sure not the one for me. I knew this because I was being true to myself. What I was focusing on when I was dating was whether or not the person sitting across from me was the person I was supposed to fall in love with and that had a lot to do with following my gut. Then wouldn’t you know it? I went on a date and BOOM! There he was sitting at the bar waiting for me. The moment I saw him my intuition popped out of my body, high fived me and pushed me towards him.
That man at the bar and I have been together long enough for me to know this feeling is real. Our energy was magnetic from the moment we met. I told him that night I wouldn’t have dinner with him on the first date. He asked me if that was because I would bail if I didn’t like him and of course I said yes, that was why. Halfway through drinks he asked me if I had plans to bail. I said no. His response to that was, “Good, because if you try to leave I am tackling you on your way out.” And my favorite part? He fucking loves all of me and that my friends, is only because I do too. It is so important for us to listen. Listen to your intuition and allow it to guide you. We all know what is best for us but we tend to fight it for one reason or another. I also need to express my love for all of you. I know some of you are feeling lonely, sad, scared, or hopeless. You are the only person who has the key to unlock happiness inside of you. You are beautiful and you deserve to feel love. Learn to love yourself first and the rest will be magic. Promise.