I am mildly obsessed with tattoos. I like tattoos of all shapes and sizes, to look at not to get necessarily. Just because I wouldn’t get a sleeve does not mean I can’t appreciate a good one when I see one. I guess it is a matter of taste and talent. Not everyone has good taste and not everyone has talent which can certainly pose a few problems in the world of tattoos. I mean, I have seen some shit ass ink in my day. Like… What? Why that? Why there? Why so big? Why those colors? What is it? What were you thinking? Am I judging? Shoot. I guess I am but I don’t give a rats ass what you think of my tats so don’t give one about what I think of yours. If you came running up to me to show off your fresh tattoo that I personally thought looked like dog shit, I wouldn’t tell you. I would tactfully respond by asking you a question about it. Did that hurt?… unless of course it were a situation like this:
I went on a date once with this man who was probably in his early 50’s (Yes I dated a couple granddads). He was pretty conservatively dressed, moderately handsome with silver hair and thick tortoise framed glasses. He was boring as fuck and didn’t drink which pissed me the hell off (I vowed to never date a man who doesn’t drink because I was married to a non drinker and that was super lame). Any who, as I sat there and sucked back my gin and soda pretending to listen to whatever crap was coming out of his mouth I noticed something peeking out of his sweater that intrigued me so I interrupted him mid sentence. “Is that a tat peeking out of your sleeve?” Just wait, TSPeeps. Not only was it a tat but the tat peeking out was a goddamn cat wearing a sombrero and smoking a cig. I asked him what it symbolized. He told me it symbolized a cat wearing a sombrero smoking a cig. He proceeded to remove his shirt in the bar to show me his entirely tattooed torso and arms. The story goes, he began getting tattoos with his son when his son turned 17. They go together and just pick whatever they see that strikes their fancy. This was confirmed by the burrito tattoo on his chest. He doesn’t even like burritos, he said. Wow. You’re so cool is what I didn’t say. Instead I laughed uncontrollably at him and not on purpose because that would be rude. It was the dolphin tat that threw me into hysterics. Once I was able to compose myself, I explained to him that almost every girl I went to high school with in the 90’s had the same tattoo on their lower backs. That is when he tried to show me his tramp stamp. I don’t lie. It ended there.
Now, I’ve got another little story. I was blessed enough to have been front and center for yet another tat show I didn’t really want tickets to. I dated this nerdy little Jewish guy back in the day. Things got hot and heavy one night which led to him removing his sweater which led to me seeing he had himself a little thing for tats. I mean, you could have knocked me over with a feather because I would have never in a million years thought this human would have one let alone two tats. Both on his shoulder blades and one more ridiculous than the other. What I was looking at was some sort of a monster man on one side and wait for it…. fucking Snoopy, yes Snoopy, playing a goddamn string instrument of some sort. Possibly a banjo but maybe even a ukulele. What’s my point? My point is some people need a little guidance when choosing a tattoo. The monster man and snoopy could have been prevented but then again, what fun would that be for us?
Moving on, I do desire, every once in a while, to add another dainty, little tattoo somewhere on me but wonder if I ever will. My tattoos are symbolic and tiny and mean a lot to the only person who really matters. Me. They are reminders. I look at them everyday and they give me a sense of strength and hope. Placement is a really big frigging deal to me and should probably be to anyone getting one too. The perfect little tattoo can be etched into the worst spot ever and instantly it is no longer a perfect little tattoo but a dumb regretful one and that frigging blows. My advice to anyone who is thinking about getting a tattoo? Do it… after you think long and hard about it. Here are some of my favorite little tattoos that get me thinking… Should I get another one? Minimalistic, simple, dainty, feminine, symbolic and chic is how I take my tattoos. Enjoy.
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