This is our son, Egon. Even though sometimes the pizza delivery guy thinks it’s a dog or an Ewok, he is indeed our 6 year old Persian cat. Anthony and my sisters surprised me with him for my birthday in 2011. I’ll never forget the day he arrived. You see, when Egon arrived many of my and Anthony’s family members were at our house. That alone was peculiar because I came home from teaching yoga to find everyone there. Hmm. Everyone was just kind of hanging around when a knock came from the front door. Could it be a singing telegram? More family members arriving for this impromptu, surprise birthday party? Nope. It was two women, one holding a small blue basket that was apparently meant for me. She handed it to me with both of our families surrounding me filled with way more excitement than I knew how to handle. Why was everyone so excited and why were they all here? What could possibly be in this basket? I was told to “open it! open it!”…so I did as I was told and opened up the front lid. As I snuck a peak beneath the lid, I saw a tiny, furry face with big ass eyes staring back at me. I opened the lid up all the way, put my man hands inside the basket and scooped up what I knew was our first official furbaby. In my mind I was sure there was more to this surprise, way more. I discretely looked for a collar or perhaps a small string tied around his mini paw. What was I looking for you ask? Well a fucking ring of course! I was certain that our families were brought together for Anthony to finally propose to me after dating for a million years. After realizing this was not a proposal but the next best thing, I swooped up our new man and headed to cuddle him on the couch. It’d be another year before Anthony would get down on one knee. In the interim we played house and had a new baby to take care of in the form of a furry, flat faced, hungry 24/7, sometimes tries to kill us but deep down loves the shit out of us we hope kitten.
This, TSPeeps, is Egon Ciancio.
Here we are adoring and swaddling our new born kitten.
I mean, do you not want to rip his little paws off? How cute was he as a kitten?!
Over the years we have opted for the lion cut because it’s easier to handle and honestly, it’s freaking cute/funny. There’s only one small problem, Egon usually tries to murder the groomer. He has been sent home at least twice before they can even get the job done. One time I’m pretty sure that the groomer lied and said he was “leaving” for another place in the city. A place he wouldn’t give me a detail about. Though that was after Egon scratched the shit out of his arm, knocking the clippers out of his hand! Here he is en route to and from the groomer. Disclaimer: we now have him sedated before his “baths” to avoid further bloodshed.
Here he is clearly still high on drugs.
Below we see Egon being sent home only half shaved because, again, his purpose was to kill.
Same goes for the holidays. He loves a good snuggle under the tree. Just so you know, he’s judging you in this photo.
He also likes to get outside once in a while for some fresh air. Well, fresh air and to hunt down the stray alley cat that torments him thru the window on a daily basis.
Besides stepping outside once in a while and eating three times a day, Egon is lazy as fuck.
However, there are two other things he likes to engage in once in a while – Politics:
And parties! Here his head is gracing the Chicago music fest scene. Side story: every time and I mean EVERY single time, I bring Egon’s head to Lollapalooza and North Coast, some teeny bopper walks up to me and asks me for drugs, particularly Special K. Who the f still does Special K? And why has my cat’s giant head pegged me as a drug dealer? One child actually hollered at me and called me “rude” for misleading the public.
Egon’s face has helped keep our crew together for the past three years. You can literally leave our group with thousands of people surrounding us, use the port-a-potty, grab a beer and still find your way back without the panic that you will never find your friends again. ALL HAIL THE EGON.
Egon is sure he is human and always finds a place at the table. He’s so snooty that he even goes for the head of the table as if he is head of the household. He expects to be served.
I’m a little jealous of Egon’s ability to look straight on into a camera comfortably. He knows he is beautiful, he knows all sides are his good side. Unlike his mom, who’s left side is her best side.
He can see within your soul.
Here it appears he is for sure plotting for me to meet my maker via sneak attack.
Here’s the deal about Egon. He’s like a sour patch kid. First he’s salty, then he’s sweet. He is in fact obsessed with us. No matter where we are he finds us and sits, not next to us, but on us. Like a real baby, he sleeps between us and sometimes under the covers every single night. When he’s not being innocently sweet, he’s being an asshole. Here he is being salty and clearly on a bender.
And here he is being sweet and absolutely adorable waiting to sit on my lap.
Egon’s face is so flat Snapchat doesn’t even recognize it as a face at all. He is basically immune to filters. Just look how much he loves selfies.
Just know that if you ever find yourself at our home, Egon welcomes you. He may try to attack you at any given moment, but at first, he will welcome your arrival. Oh and if you must give in to the urge of actually picking him up, then you do so at your peril.
Love it. Live it. Share it.