Looking back isn’t always a bad thing, as long at it is used as a means to move forward.
It’s that time again. My birthday. Every year around this time, I like to reflect and compile a list of all of the cool-ass shit that took place throughout the year. A lot of people do this around the new year, but my calendar revolves around my date of birth, July 24th (the most blessed day of the year). That is the start of my new year, not January 1st. This helps me put things into perspective when the hype of putting things into perspective isn’t annoying the shit out of me. It also allows me to set realistic goals and look back on the past year with clarity–without confetti getting in my eyes when the clock strikes 12. It is really incredible to look back on an entire year and write down all of the positive things that took place. If I didn’t do this it could easily seem as though my year was bombarded with bullshit and stress. It actually did feel that way until I saw, on paper, just how many great things happened. I will be honest with you all. I hate saying this because I have worked so fucking hard in the past to conquer it, but just like it is known to do, anxiety came back for a little unwelcome visit. Not out of control anxiety or crippling anxiety (which I have had in the past) but definitely a relapse. I am not going to go on and on about how much it fucking sucks and how it is an evil virus that consumes everything good. Instead, I am going to be grateful that I have the tools to fight it, which I have done before and will continue to do. If I don’t acknowledge its presence and deal with it, my mind will take over me and that bitch best know that I am in charge here. I got comfortable. I didn’t maintain the daily upkeep to keep anxiety at bay. This year, I am going to prioritize my sanity and make a commitment to myself. Daily, I will: meditate, express gratitude, exercise, eat properly, drink a ton of water and get adequate sleep. These are the ingredients to my recipe for the “Anxie-tea”. I will be sipping a lot of it and look forward to reporting back to you a year from now with great success.
So, I guess I started off on a shit note, which is not at all where I thought this was going to go but it leads to something awesome. It leads to me telling you about all of the great shit that happened in my life this past year. All of these things open my eyes to how wonderful my year actually was instead of focusing on the bad. Check this out:
-I met my greatest love
-I traveled more than I have in years
-my mom moved closer to us and transitioned BEAUTIFULLY
-my kids are happy and healthy–they are thriving
-I almost won best costume at my sister’s Halloween party (should have)
-I found out I have Celiac Disease (which is a great thing because I have been sick my whole life and now I know what the hell is wrong with me)
-I found the best botox injector of all time
-TSP has been live for almost 3 years and has a bright future ahead
I mean, that’s a pretty great frigging year. I did not think my year was filled with such greatness until I saw it jotted down. That is part of the evil that encompasses our minds when anxiety visits. Had I not taken the time to write this down I would be pretty unaware and that is some nonsense.
The biggest and best thing I learned this year that I need to share with you in hopes you will follow my lead? FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. I made it a goal last year at my birthday to allow my intuition to drive shotgun, which is way better than the backseat driver I allowed it to be for most of my life. Every time I allowed it to guide me this year, I was content and fulfilled with the outcome, with my decision. Every time I allowed someone else’s opinion to influence my decisions, guess what? I wished afterwards I would have listened to my intuition. When it is all said and done, each of us has a true voice inside of us and we need to listen. It is a natural guide. An intuitive compass. It takes time to hear it and it takes more time to trust it, but you will never know how incredibly wise intuition is until you allow it to guide you.
So there you have it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It is fair to say it was a really good year. Some of the best things in my life happened this year and none of the worst. I am happy.