It has been exactly one week since we brought our miniature dachshund home and I can honestly say, our little man has brought us endless amounts of giggles, snuggles and happiness. Kevin has also brought us endless amounts of tiny turds and squirts. My family and I have been mesmerized by our little beast from the moment he was carried through our doors. And when I say carried, I am not kidding. He is carried more than he walks and he has replaced Mia’s dolls, Donna Ray, Debbie and Samantha. He is our new baby and we love him so much it hurts.
(Kevin’s first Halloween. He went has a Hot Dog!)
(This is Mia with her friend Phoebe. She is holding Kevin’s brother, Opie. Their dolls have been replaced with miniature dachshunds.)
It seemed wrong leaving such a tiny, living thing home alone for his first week in a new place, so I smuggled him to my office to help him ease into his transition. Oh, the fun we had while he was around. The first day at the office was the last day I saw him pretend to be shy. He wouldn’t leave my office and preferred to sit on my lap only. I loved this but, by day two, Kevin was venturing out into the big world, solo. On day four, he was shitting outside The Knife’s office and, if I had to guess, the placement was no accident. If you know my dad, you know he doesn’t love animals, specifically animals the size of rodents. As my friend so accurately stated, “Ah, Kevin versus The Knife. Two dominant males jockeying for the single alpha position.” My dad was dethroned the day Kev defecated outside his door. Classic Kevin.
(Yeah,it is fair to say this guy is loved.)
Let me say this now. We worship our wiener dog and we hope that he is with us for a very long time. The fact that I am saying this in the height of puppy behavior says a lot. He loves us and we would like him to stay for the long haul. That wasn’t ever a question. He has the sweetest disposition. All he wants is the warmth of one of us next to him and a friend to share some laughs. He really does rule.
My friends always give me shit for whatever my obsession of the day is that day. I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Sometimes, I’m all sushi. Today, I am obsessed with my little miniature hound. He is cute, uber smart and I am excited for the day he brings us home our first present in the form of a chipmunk. I will be such a proud doxie mama. To know a dachshund is to love one. Currently, this ridiculous-looking animal whose cuteness has no bounds is the greatest thing that ever lived and I think that if you don’t have a dog, and perhaps would like one, make a dachshund your front runner. I think I can better explain their awesomeness with memes. Here goes.
1. If you know anything about dachshunds, you know about their abnormally short legs. If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing one run, stop over and I will give you that gift. They don’t appear to have knees but for whatever reason, can still motor. See?
3. Dachshunds can even make grumpy old folks smile. Almost.
4. Dachshunds are not known for recognizing the outdoors as their bathroom. There are only 9,000 memes to support this statement.
5. Don’t let these hot dogs fool you. They aren’t weenies, even though they might appear to be so.
6. If you are having a difficult time selling this breed to your masculine counterpart, kindly remind said person that these little beasts were bred to pull badgers out of holes.
7. Dachshunds think they are big and bad. Basically, they have an inflated sense of self. Some call it Napoleon Syndrome. Really, they are just Hot Dogs.
8. This is a dog who’s bark is certainly bigger than its bite. A potential burglar will run far and fast when they approach and think there is a German Shepherd standing behind that door. Pschye!
9. Who needs a vacuum when you have a dachshund? Noone, that’s who!
10. I have been told dachshund’s are fierce hunters. I can’t wait for my little wiener to bring me a present. I will be so proud!
11. Dachshunds are good listeners.
Your world will be a better place with a dachshund in it. Have I ever steered you wrong?
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