Ok so I saw something when I was cruising the internet the other day and I just knew it was a sign from sweet baby Jesus himself. What I saw just needed to be addressed and discussed immediately. I needed to share this shit with all of TSPland. This right here is a Japanese invention, Rubber Lips (the Japanese invent some effed up stuff, man.) My mind too went straight to the gutter when I saw it so you aren’t a lonely pervert. I thought this was a way to turn your chick into a real life blow up doll. Nope. This right here is a rubber mouth piece invented to repair sagging skin and muscles in the face. It also claims to thin the face. Pop this bad boy in and begin sounding out vowels. This act apparently gives you a instant face lift and any guy hanging around while you’re doing it an instant boner.
This miraculous discovery led me to believe I needed to delve further into the world of Japanese inventions. I was going to limit it to beauty inventions until I got to looking. I couldn’t stop there because the shit I found is just too bad not to share. And yes, the Japanese surely win the award for the most bizarre and ridiculous inventions, but there are others. Behold! Jacked Up Inventions.
The Reading Glasses
I think I hate these glasses because of the picture above. She looks like a crab and I don’t like it.
She creeps me out. Also, why is she so against propping herself up a bit? What is wrong with sitting up a little? These really bother me.
The Funnel Glasses
I get a little nostalgic whenever I see a funnel. Reminds me of my old beer bonging days, which sure was some fun and boy, oh, boy was I good at it. Unfortunately, I did not get that warm and fuzzy feeling inside when I caught a glimpse of these. I mean, maybe they are a helpful tool for old folks who don’t have a steady hand, but these two don’t seem to have that problem. Aim and drop, you two. My sisters and visine have been doing mighty fine with that technique since their first J years ago. No need for funnels.
The Hair Catcher
This tool getting his haircut needs to stop smiling. What a dork. The both of them. If I ever went somewhere and they put this contraption on me or my kids, I would kindly remove it and get the eff out of there. Anyone using this nerdy thing is in no way, shape, or form in any condition to give a proper cool ass haircut. The old cape does the trick. No need for the baby pool.
The Sleep Stickers
I guess people use these frightening stickers to sneak a nap in at work or class. No sirie Bob. This is what nightmares are made of. Those dead eyes. If I saw this son of a gun just sitting there at work, motionless, lifeless, never blinking… I’d call the 5-0 real fast. That is some scary shit.
The Air Curler
Maybe my professional past in the hair biz is what has my panties in a bunch over this invention because I just can’t accept it. Round brush and blow dryer, girls, and practice makes perfect.
Look at this couch potato thinking he is so super sly and shit. Him and his pepperoni nipples aren’t going to fool anyone.
The Lipstick Guide
The strap on lip guide scares me a little. Also, applying lipstick, in my opinion, is the easiest of all cosmetic applications. If someone needs this thing then maybe they should just throw in their makeup towel.
The Splatter Protector
I don’t have a culture which requires me to need such a thing, so I can’t really comment on the need. I can, however, comment on how ridiculous she looks. People don’t really use these, do they?
And this super nerdy doodad. Ice cubes do the trick, pal.
The Lap Napper
I don’t like this thing. Not one bit. And why did they have to market it using this guy? And who likes sleeping on a lap after the age of 3? This guy is a creep and so are his laps.
This thing is used to prevent wrinkles in the cleavage for those broads who sleep on their sides. When your saggy titties flop down onto one another while resting, it causes a crease right smack dab in the middle of your tata’s. Slip this phallic titty effing invention between your fun bags to supposedly prevent it.
The Rotating Ice Cream Cone
I pretty much want to find the inventor of this one and punch her in the baby maker or him in the nut bag. Really?
The Lonely Sleeper
Now this is what lonely looks like. Shit. Look at this chick in the yellow. She is bummed as hell, yo. I hope she is finding some comfort with that thing. I just wish they made the arm a little more pliable, you know? More realistic. And wtf?! Women are the only lonely people? Why isn’t there a bitches arm for dudes to cuddle up with? Oh snap. I just came up with a brilliant invention.
The Sleep Aid
Maybe my favorite. These working girls must be real tired to have to go to this level of sleep aid. If I were them, I would buy myself a couple of those scary ass sleep at work stickers and have at it at the office.
And just for fun I thought I would share some pictures of really fascinating people I found while doing a little research.
Check out this dudes brown suckies and that dome. His hairs volume is something to comment about as well. It’s beautiful!
Whatever (s)he is doing is working. Keep it up! And I love the asymmetrical cut. Edgey as hell.
The old poop shoot move. It has worked everytime I have tried it.
I love this guy.
I love this guy’s nuts.
I love that this guy is still wearing his glasses with his eyes roped shut.
And speaking of Asians. Check out some work from our Asian sister, Winnie Lee! Oh wait! There’s this one too!
Love it. Live it. Share it.