It is less than a week before Christmas. My absolute favorite time of year. You know how people always say “Enjoy your babies. It goes by too fast.”? Well, that is how I feel about the Christmas season, with the same exact sentiment. It felt like just yesterday, I tuned into Pandora and listened to my first carols of 2015, when in fact it was November 1st. I begin burning Christmas Candles around Halloween. The turkey takes a back seat to Santa in my house. My excitement and anticipation for Christmas is equivalent to that of a hormonal teen’s throbbing loins. I can hardly contain myself and my joy. I have loved, let me rephrase that, I have been obsessed with Christmas ever since I can remember. This to me is proof of a beautiful and magical upbringing. I am not alone in this. Lauren is a freak, too. Homegirl has been listening to Christmas carols come September since she was a kid. Her and our little sister used to share a room as kids and Lauren used to get Hulk Smashed for Jingle Belling while leaves were still on trees. Michelle is with me on the premature candle burning, and our baby sister, Andrea, has her Christmas shopping done in September. And her husband? Ben is the jolliest mother fuc$er this side of the Mississippi. Son of a Santa turns into a spastic 5 year old when grab bag gifts are handed out. I mean, he shows up to Christmas Eve dinner with a Santa sack filled with his gifts which I guarantee he wrapped himself with pride. Lauren’s husband, Anthony AKA The Mister Project, never misses a beat. I get a text from him annually asking for approval of his gift choices or looking for suggestions if he is stumped because the 7 other gifts he already got just aren’t enough for his love. #CutestHusbandEver. Michelle’s husband Ryan reminds me of the Knife around the holidays. He is prideful, traditional, happy, and spends a day shopping with Michelle for their twins. They do it every year together. Every year my excitement grows until Christmas is finally here. Every year except this year. The Grinch came for a visit and invaded my soul. Here I am, bummed because I miss my boy and won’t see him until after Christmas, my bank account is hurting, my dead Christmas tree is lying pathetically on the curb a week prematurely, I have been sad to not have anyone here Christmas morning to enjoy the kids excitement with me, my babies cookies were supposed to look like stars and gingerbread men not turds, my never-ending divorce which was final a long a$$ time ago is still haunting me like the ghost of Christmas past, and to top it all off, while buying my kids their surprise christmas present yesterday (Peppermint their baby Guinnea Pig) we were witnesses to a horrifying situation in the frigging pet store which had me testing out my parental emergency skills instructing my kids to calmly and silently sit and hide on the floor behind the register until the scary a$$ bastard with tear drop tattoos on his face had turned the corner into an aisle out of my sight giving us the opportunity to flee to safety until the police arrived. Merry fuc$ing Christmas. I, for the first time in my whole life, began losing the Christmas spirit. I decided to reflect last night after my kids fell asleep because I hated feeling like this. I hated thinking anything other than jolly thoughts that reeked of balsam fir and mistletoe. So I changed them. Who cares about the money? I will make more. I spent it all on making little kids I love smile! The turd cookies taste really frigging good. And me being bummed I have no one to enjoy my children’s joy with on Christmas morning? Um, I get to enjoy their joy. That alone is worth it’s weight in holly and gold! Peppermint and my babies are safely sleeping, peacefully in their beds. And my sisters. My sisters are so lucky to have the loves they have. I reap the benefits of their husbands’ coolness, too. Their kindness, love, and spirits are contagious and I know what I want/deserve from a man in my life because of those 3 guys and guess what? I have a man in my life who reminds me of them! He is kind, not jolly which could have been a deal breaker if he weren’t so wonderful, and his heart is too big for his chest just like my brother-in-laws. Long distance love can be rough but I will be with him on New Years. As for my never ending divorce? That is a rough one but I have to take it one day at a time and have faith in the thought that one day there will be peace in our lives. I strive for that and look forward to the calm. The last pisser, the one that actually made me cry tears of sadness and disappointment, my dead Christmas tree. I went by myself to get that damn tree. I dragged that 9 foot b!tch in with my bare hands and somehow got it in its stand – not securely as it fell on top of me once, and I needed a friend to come over to help secure it again. I was proud of that tree. It was my very first Christmas tree. It was a big deal because I for the first time had creative freedom and never had my very own live tree before… and it went belly up before Christmas. I of course posted the story comedically on Fb because it was pretty funny but I was bummed. That is when my beautiful friend, Cheri, texted me offering to bring me to get another. I told her how sweet she was and expressed how I wasn’t in the mood to decorate another tree. Her response resonated in my Christmas loving soul forcing Ebenezer out and Nicole back in. “The Grinch should never win!” she said and she was right! The minute I altered my thinking and focused on all of the beautiful and magical positives in my life, I forgot all of the negatives. With that simple text and expression of love and encouragement, I learned to love Christmas again. The Grinch will never win up in my house.
I know it is easier to dwell on the bad sometimes especially when everyone around you is Jolly as hell and life can sometimes bite the big one but that is no way to live. Pop in the movie Love Actually, sip on something that’ll give you a little buzz, focus on the beauty and positives in your life, and have a very Merry and beautiful Christmas. You deserve it and so do all of the people around you who love you so much
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