I am a huge fan of holiday cards. I love picking ours out and taking my kids’ pictures but I love receiving them even more. I have to admit I am a little pissed off right now. Every single family holiday card I received in the mail this year is frigging perfect. Super annoying. In fact, the more I think about it, I have actually never been the recipient of anything other than jolly, perfect Christmas cards. That’s some bullshit. In the past, my ex-husband and I would go to Penney’s all dolled up in holiday attire and pose for our Christmas card pictures. The broads behind the camera usually thought we were serious and just snapped away, reposing us if need be, tossing faux snowballs and snowflakes at us per our request. I know our recipients always looked forward to receiving our cards.
Here are a few of our Holiday cards from the past.
I began pursuing jacked up Christmas card photos for my own personal enjoyment one night to escape the sadness inside of me from all of the perfect cards I kept getting (my cards may have been the most perfect of all so guilty as charged) and knew what I had to do with the gems I feasted my eyes upon. Now, I understand there are good ones and bad ones. Nothing worse than a family trying too hard, failing and looking like fools. In my opinion, the best holiday card pictures out there are the ones that are accidentally funny. For example:
This right here is my favorite holiday card image of all time. The sister is laughing REALLY hard. You know there were tears. I guarantee the noises coming out of those dogs mouths was something fierce. And the poor twin in the center of the beastly brawl keeps that million dollar smile on his face to ensure a perfect family picture all while shitting in his Z. Cavaricci’s. Every single time I look at this picture I LOL really really hard.
The little angel flipping the bird is a gangsta. She throws that thing up with conviction, yo. She is such a delight!
I love this. I mean, it could be totally posed but the kid blowing his head off convinces me that his family totally blows. PS: I hate big brother’s Fu Manchu.
When telling your child to make a funny face in a picture is actually fuc&ing hilarious!
Couple things. You think those are perms? My gut is telling me those are perms. And do you think the mom actually procreated with another human or is it possible she produced that child all on her own?
I love how they are fully clothed in the top center picture and their clothing gradually comes off through out their holiday card experience. So beautiful and tastefully done!
The dad on the left in the green sure is pretty.
You would think a woman wearing a latex and feather trimmed outfit would dress the rest of her family less conservatively. Her daughter is wearing a Peter Pan collar. If I were wearing a latex dress in a holiday family photo you bet your ass my baby girl would be sporting a gag ball.
Ok. I get it. You belong to a Country Club and your kids are really good swimmers. You could have probably just put your kids in actual clothing and used the ribbon and award decorated Christmas tree to brag. D bags.
Like he didn’t know it was going to look like he was porking his dog.
These are two really proud parents showcasing their new bundle of joy. The baby has a beautiful eye.
I wonder how much a men’s blowout is these days?
I hope the police keep an eye on this man’s house. Something ain’t right.
What bothers me here is the dad. I hate when dudes wear white crew neck tees under collared shirts.
You totally know these grandparents are stuck baby sitting like every frigging day and aren’t necessarily thrilled about it.
The next category I am loving right now. Jesus in the manger.
Jesus looks afraid.
They are serious which makes me want to egg their house on Christmas morning.
This is magical!
My god, I wish I had come up with this one. Brilliant! Brilliant, I say!
Now, here is where I will discuss people who try way too hard and are just giant tools.
This makes no sense. It’s not even clever. It’s super dumb and annoying.
This is perverted!
Oh, Lord. What a dork.
You would think someone douchey enough to take this picture wouldn’t wear white socks.
Tool Alert: Sorry Creed fans.
Something I saw a lot of that is just fascinating: The Face Swap Holiday Card. I am obsessed.
The kid faces on the parent heads is spectacular!
I hate this. I hate it so much.
They all look good with the face except for the guy who’s face it really is.
And lastly, this here is a man with great morals, respect and huge ass balls. A proud father and husband with his ho’s.
Merry Christmas, TSPeeps!
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