Today, class, we are going to talk about BOOBS. Boobs are fascinating, aren’t they? They come in all different shapes and sizes and they have multiple purposes. Oh, yes! These fat sacks have the power to pop boners and feed people. Jigglers are mighty powerful and I think it is about time we all learned to love boobs for what they are instead of what we want them to look like.
Ok, so some of y’all have to tuck your breasts into the waistline of your pants to avoid burning your nips while frying eggs. This is also done to avoid tripping on your nipples. Some of you have nipples only, small ass tatas, if you will. Some boobies have brown nips and some have pink. And these little suckers range from nipples as dark as the night sky to virtually see through! Some of us have areolas the size of dinner plates while others have areolas the size of quarters. There are inverted nips and puffy nips. Some of us have a boob three cup sizes larger than the other. Some have breasts too small for our voluptuous shape while others have huge knockers and tiny, skinny, little asses. We have perky tits and saggy tits. Full melons and deflated fun bags. Some of us wish we had more cleavage while the rest of us wish we had less. Some of us love our breasts, some of us hate them, and the rest of us are somewhere in between. What’s my point? My point is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Listen, I get it. We all want what we don’t have. I mean, I would prefer to have fuller boobs and maybe bigger boobs. Do I think my boobs are the most beautiful? Oh. Hell no. Do I think they are awful? Nope. I used to but as I have gotten older I have realized something quite valuable. Confidence and self love is key. Is age what gave me the confidence? It is certainly part of it, but I am the one who began telling myself and my tits that they are beautiful. And let’s be honest. It doesn’t matter what they look like, what matters is what is beating just below the surface of our breasts. You could have the most beautiful boobs God created or money can buy but if your ticker is rotten, no one will see your breasts at all, they will only see your black ass heart. Know it. So, I think instead of focusing on what you don’t like, try to focus on what you do like about your boobs. If you don’t like the shape of your breasts but you do like the size of your breasts start telling yourself how beautiful you big, giant, squishy melons are! Boobs are frigging amazing. All of em.
Just in case you all need a little more reason to love your knockers, let’s look at 10 reasons why I think boobs are just plain awesome.
- Boobs are magical. Boobs are like magic wands. Bust those bad boys out and just like magic, penises grow in front of your eyes.
- Boobs are the Mother Teresa of body parts. They frigging feed humans and keep them alive. A stranger’s boobs can feed someone else’s kid. Like I said, Mother Teresa.
- Boobs are comfy cozy. There ain’t nothing more comfy than resting your tired ass head on a couple of posturepedic titties. Boobs are pillows. Warm, cozy pillows.
- Boobs are fun…. to play with!
- Boobs are lovable. Everyone loves frigging boobs. Straights, gays, kids, chicks, dudes. Everyone.
- Boobs are pockets. No better place to stick that 20 than in your bra.
- Boobs are weapons. Some boobs give their owners black eyes during a jog while others can be used to smack the shit out of attackers if their hands are tied up or something.
- Boobs are like snowflakes. No one pair is exactly the same. They are unique!
- Boobs are fantastically complicated. They are the cause of all of life’s problems and the solution to all of them at the same time. Hear me out. You can flash you titties and cause a 6 car pile up but you can also allow someone to honk your titties giving that lucky creep a couple of new best friends; your boobs!
- Boobs make you feel good down there. A couple of good nipple tweaks or sucky sucks and your vagina is open for business.
And just for fun, here are some of the Best Boob Quotes around town.
“Boobs are the greatest things in the world that just so happen to have a female attached to them.” ~ someone who needs to find a hobby
“Weapons of mass distraction.” ~ someone who is clever
“The reason I just don’t kill myself right now.” ~ some poor sad dude
“The reason there are lesbians.” ~ some lesbian
“The things that give life meaning and joy.” ~ a newborn/some pathetic guy who lives in mom’s basement
“The bouncy objects that make men do things they don’t normally do like spend a lot of money, blow off agendas etc. But it’s worth it when you get to suck on them.” ~ a moron
“If you have seen one pair, you want to see them all.” ~ anyone with a penis
“Big, juicy, beautiful things usually found on women but occasionally on men.” ~ an observant person
“Proof that there is a god.” ~ not an atheist
“A boob is a big lump of fat that hangs off of a women’s chest. They have something in the middle called a nipple. Boobs make very great warm pillows. They are fun to lick and cuddle.” ~ an idiot
“The holy mounds of pliable flesh situated on a woman’s chest.” ~ a priest
Go on now and give your boobies a little love. They are beautiful and so are you!