Dear Parents,
I want to start by saying, I absolutely love teaching your children about soccer. It is my pleasure and I want you to know I give a sh*&. I have been lucky enough to have been molded by the sport and coaches of all philosophies over the years and I really hope I have a positive impact on your child as we take this journey together. I am not just going through the motions. My intentions are real. I aim to leave a lasting impression. That is so very important to me. When the girls step out on the field on game day and connect their first intentional pass, or mark an opponent because they are hungry to defend their own goal, I know that something I am doing on those work days when I feel there is barely enough time in the day to squeeze a practice in, makes all of this worth it.
However, I have noticed, a lot has changed since I was a kid and I worry about our generation of athletes. Most of whom at the end of the day will end up being regular people who have to learn how to cope with the realities of life. Looking back upon my experience, the differences between then and now are great and from my vantage point, we aren’t going to be mass producing Mia Hamms. Back in the day, when I played sports, I was not handled with kid gloves. There was a very clear winner and loser. Parents knew their place and as a former athlete, so did I. I was challenged physically and emotionally. I heard the words, “good job” sometimes, and “what can you do to be better?” constantly. I hated my coaches but loved them even more. Why? Because I had respect. My singular goal was to be on that field when the whistle blew and I was, and I did not get there because my parents were constantly challenging the decisions of my coaches. I got there because I earned it. It was all me. Huge life lesson.
Funny story. When I came home from my first year at college wider than I was tall #Freshman15, and stepped out on the field with my team from back home that summer, my coach looked at me and said, “start running, and don’t stop until you get back to where you were before you left for school.” (Any teammate reading this right now knows I cleaned this up. He was harsh. But I friggin loved him.) He was right. I was fat and out of shape. I was an athlete. Athletes are supposed to be fit. There were standards. I went off course. My coach told me…THAT WAS HIS JOB. Guess what? I started running, and I didn’t stop and I didn’t go crying to my parents either. I owned it and once again the standard had been set, even higher.
I think if that statement was made nowadays, there may be a coaching position available. There has been a shift within the culture of parents of athletes. And it isn’t something I think is doing any bit of good for our young people. I have to say, very simply, there should be a very thick line between parents and coaches. It should rarely be crossed. When you step in and interfere because you think your child should get to play or you question why we (the coaches) are doing what we are doing, that completely does a disservice to one person, your kid. It perpetuates the idea that in life you don’t need to work for anything, you can say whatever you want and get it in return. That does not mirror what real life looks like. Organized sports are the first taste of reality for young people. Working with a team, being managed by a coach, that parallels a lot of what life is going to be like down the road. Athletes learn about accountability. Sports are humbling. Parents need to understand how their interference can negatively affect the development of a young person and honestly, you need to stay the heck out of it. Young people need to know how to take a little crap once in a while. The field is the perfect place to start. I do however, have some suggestions as to how you can help.
Encourage your child to respect their coach. Remind them that their coach is their coach for a reason. I say it all the time. “Coach knows.” Teach them the value of looking presentable, period. Tuck in your shirts, dammit! Be their parent, not the coach. Sure, some days we may disagree. You may not approve of our choices, and that is completely ok. However, it is not ok to share your disapproval or voice your opinion. I am sorry. That is where the line is drawn. Assist us in teaching OUR kids the value of hard work and dedication and respect through leading by example. It starts at home and takes a village. At the end of the day, we are all on the same team.
Sincerely,
Coach
Love it. So much evidence supporting girls in sports have more confidence as adults. Let them grow into it!
Fantastic! I agree with you 100%! I am a product of a very passionate, tough band director that excepted nothing less than excellence. He lived it, he insisted on it and he meant it! The results stand for themselves. I truly feel his influence in every thing o do from day to day. Keep it up you three!!! Excellent job!
Well said! And extremely important!
I agree Maryclare. We can’t be raising a bunch of weenies.
Well said Michelle! Bravo!
Thanks Carol. Gotta break the cycle.
Michelle, remember that time you picked me up made me go to a soccer conditioning clinic my sophmore year; after I told you I didn’t want to because I had eaten 2 bagels and white rice and I threw up in the Fenwick garbage can in the gym? Lol. Thanks for holding my ass accountable.
Barfing makes you stronger! LOL. You are so welcome!
This is great, Michelle!
This is all so true. As a retired teacher, I think parents need to learn the same lesson about school. Not everyone gets an A. Students get better when they make mistakes and learn how to deal with them on their own.
Great read Michelle! I coached for a few years for a club. I got out of it after a parent got in my face and was screaming because his child did not play enough minutes. I was only 23 at the time and he seriously scared the crap out of me. He had me backed against my car, screaming in my face and his eye was twitching… Literally, I thought he was going to punch me. He was obviously way older than me, but that was the day I decided at the end of the season to walk away. It was club soccer, what we grew up playing, and I made the right call. It was a tournament and the championship game. She played, but not as much as he wanted. Parents step over that line and don’t understand what you are trying to do. It was not a punishment, just a decision.
Shannon, That’s crazy, but I am not surprised. I was once hired to coach a high school team. I was getting calls from dads (#Inappropriate) to take me out for a “bite to eat” to discuss lineups. I had to walk away…from the season. I burned a bridge and didn’t feel great about my decision. I suppose the girls coming to practice with their shirts tied in a knot over their navels pushed me over the edge. Thanks for reading, and commenting!
Thought of you today when I made my team (4 and 5 year olds) tuck in their jerseys.
That’s my girl!
This is brilliant Michelle! You get it! Thank you for writing this! I recently had my attention drawn to the term “ lawnmower parents” this is the next step after helicopter parents. You described it perfectly. Life is not perfect and you have to let these kids learn in their own.
Stop mowing down people who you think get in your child’s way of moving forward.
This is not the way it’s done in the real world.
Keep up the good work Michelle. I totally support your teaching ways♥️
Thank you Carol! You are married to one of the greatest coaches around. I was envious of all of my wrestling friends/boyfriends (lol) because Mark was their coach. He inspired me from afar.
Very well said Michelle.
I couldn’t help but remember how terrified I was of my Head gymnastics coach, but I probably wouldn’t have accomplished what I did without him. And the work ethic he demanded stayed with me and lead me to success in other areas even after my gymnastics days were over.
The girls are lucky to have you! Keep up the great work!
Thank you for the kind words Jennifer!