When we get divorced we lose something greater than what everyone sees from the outside. People see our for sale signs going up and our diamonds missing from our fingers but no one sees what really disappears when divorce strikes. The loss of my home and other tangible bullshit never bothered me. I was happy to see my house go. It wasn’t a happy house. To me it was simply a structure that housed bad memories and lots of tears. The happiness that took place during my marriage is in my heart and other good memories have been printed and put into frames. What I lost in my divorce were my dreams for my family. I began creating those dreams when I was a little girl and they traveled through decades with me. It is all I can remember ever wanting. I never realized how valuable having a partner was until the dust settled. When it was fresh and the ink was still wet, I embraced single motherhood. Eventually I grew sad sitting alone with my kids at dinner, though, and desired having someone next to me to adore them with me (or help me not to ring their necks). It was then I realized why having a partner in parenthood was so important. It is the company. Having someone there to give you advice. Tell you that you are doing a great job. There is so much great shit that happens during parenthood, especially in the early years, that it just so happens we want to share it with someone else. Intimately. Could I have continued to do it alone? Yes. But I didn’t want to anymore. I grew lonely in parenthood as a single mom. I missed having someone intertwined in every aspect of my life, especially the most important one… my babies. I put my desire to meet someone out into the universe. The man I wanted in my life had to be real fucking special. Like, the most special. I wasn’t going to ever bring just some mediocre guy around my kids. I had a standard to set so I set the bar high. Well, long story short and a million first dates later I met him. It didn’t take the second date to realize I wanted a third. It took the first date to realize I never wanted a last. How did I get so lucky? I remember wandering through a couple of years alone, but always knowing in my heart I would meet him one day. I wasn’t scared or hopeless. I was positive. I was patient. I was determined to be happy. I was content and happy with who I had become and the new life I was living. I truly believe had I not been so positive, happy and certain, I would never have met him. The universe is magical when you utilize its powers properly and effectively.
Below is a list I wrote myself when I became whole again and was ready to find the one. It helped me so I thought that maybe it could help you, too.
-appreciate what you have
-don’t focus on what you’ve lost
-second chances are beautiful
-you have been given a gift
-you deserve to be happy
-you deserve to be loved
-positive energy attracts positive energy
-Self love is the most important love
-happiness is a choice
-you will know when you see him
-you are beautiful
-he has been waiting for you, too
-do not compromise your desires
-love is all around you
-don’t be afraid
Life is too short to focus on what has been or what might be. Stop worrying and stop wondering. You got this. Grab life by its balls and get what you need to feed your soul. The universe has ears, even for the silent. What you think, what you feel, what you project and what you say is heard and that is what the universe will serve you. Control your energy and enjoy what comes next. I am enjoying every GD second of it and will continue to. I am grateful.