We are going to get real intimate on the blog. Today’s topic: Michelle’s offensively heavy menstrual cycle and the product that changed her life for the better. If you are anything like me and have periods that are, at times, so bad you joke about needing a blood transfusion, then this blog is for you. If you are the gal that packs a satchel full of menses products and lives in fear of bleeding out in front of your co-workers or, worse, on a date, then this blog is for you. If you spend more money on feminine products than shoes, then this blog is for you. Heavy periods can suck the life out of you and we women deserve better. If you are still reading then that means you and I are simpatico and you are moments away from improving your quality of life, monthly. I recently discovered the menstrual cup, in this case, The Diva Cup and praise be to sweet baby Jesus, things are looking up!
Men, this is where you click out and head over to Barstool Sports.
The story goes like this. It was the morning of a 2-day, intensive coaches clinic that I had to attend and I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Panic had set in. I was about to sit in a room, or be on a field with, mostly men and, as luck would have it, my period was in full force. How in the heck was I going to manage without all future coaches throughout the entire state of Illinois knowing that Michelle Anderson was on her period?
Lucky for me, I am 1 of 4 sisters and a lifestyle blogger so I have my hand on the pulse of everything Cool-Ass Shit. In this case, Cool Vagina Shit. LOL. I had heard and read about this alternative and decided to take the plunge. My experience was better than good and, hand on the Bible, I will never use a tampon again. Buckle up, I will get candid and graphic but I promise you will be left curious enough to try the Diva Cup for yourself.
What is the Diva Cup or menstrual cup?
- It is a reusable silicone cup made for collecting rather than absorbing menstrual flow.
- Their website boasts 12-hour leak-free protection. On any day other than my heavy day, this proved to be accurate. I went for 4 hours before it needed to be changed. That was 3 hours longer than I would have gone with a tampon the size of one of Kim Jong Un’s nukes, coupled with a boat pad.
- The Diva Cup does not contain any of the following: latex, plastic, PVC, acrylic, BPA and colors and dyes and some other harmful stuff we don’t need to be inserting into our nether regions.
- The Diva Cup is eco-friendly. The hippie in me loves this!
- The cost is $30. Just think, you will never have to buy another box of toxic, uncomfortable, unreliable tampons again.
How does the Diva Cup work?
This part is a bit graphic and, if you are prudish or not comfortable with handling your lady bits, this product is not for you. I think my 3-year stint with infertility at a teaching hospital has me pretty “open” to the menses cup. Inserting a malleable tulip-shaped cup was a piece of cake considering I had a twin pregnancy and prior to that, a number of tests and items jammed on up in there. Using the Diva Cup requires 2 hands, 1 vagina, patience and a bit of a learning curve when it comes to insertion. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS THOROUGHLY. Don’t be scared. Nothing is going to get lost up there. The Diva Cup website is a wealth of information and you can find answers to all of your questions right there.
You will fold, insert and gently twist the cup to ensure it opens and can then collect your menses. I promise, for the bleeders, this product is a game-changer.
I had to pull and spread and the bending and insertion is tricky, but totally doable once you get the hang of it. It was completely comfortable. In fact, I felt absolutely nothing. I sported a liner as a precautionary measure. At the 4-hour mark, I decided it was time to remove the cup, dump the stuff, rinse, clean and reuse. Here is how that goes down:
Ever go vaginal spelunking? Get ready! You are now!
Removal of the Diva Cup
To start, wash your hands. It is time to get down and dirty. At the end of the tulip shaped cup there is a tiny little stem. That is the part of the cup you are to grab as you begin removal. It is unavoidable, you will get blood on your hands. However, as you improve your technique and experience successful removal of your menses cup, the anxiety of what is in your vagina will eventually cease. Time to push. As in, show that turd who is boss. Come on sports fans. Bear the fuck down! Push like you’re pooping and grab that little rubber stem until your cup is free from your vagina. Take your time. I had a little overflow but otherwise managed to keep it pretty clean and tip my Diva Cup right into the toilet. All I have to say is, the human body is amazing. Once your cup is emptied, rinse it thoroughly with warm water and dry with a paper towel. You are now ready to re-insert. At this point you should be a menstrual cup professional!
Fun facts and tips to help you on your Diva Cup journey:
- The Diva Cup comes in 2 sizes. A pre- and post-birth size. Be sure to get the right one.
- If you are in a public restroom and it is time to dump your cup, be sure to bring a water bottle in the stall with you as well as a fresh clean paper towel. Heading to the sink to wash and clean your cup might not be convenient. Now you will be ready.
- The Diva Cup has zero odor, unlike tampons and other menses products. Reason number 999 why tampons blow and the cup is where it’s at.
- You can buy the Diva Cup at any local store or Amazon.
- It comes with a cute little satchel to store it safely. Nothing like the bag of tricks I have been used to carrying around.
Finally, if you still aren’t sold, head over to Amazon and read the 4,000 + reviews. I found them to be informative and at times downright hilarious.
May the force be with you on your next cycle.
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I’m post-menopausal and am almost disappointed!