Not Your Average October Post

@coltonsturgeon

Why is it every year when October rolls around, women (and probably some dudes, too) lose their shit? Including myself.

You don’t see anyone going bananas over April or August, but mention October to a basic white girl, and she very well may have an orgasm.

The month, even the word, October, has a very special way of inducing hysteria.

Is it the pumpkins? The cooler temps and need for cozy sweaters? The macabre mood? Maybe it’s the crunch of crispy leaves under the soles of brown leather boots. Perhaps the government puts something in the water. Hmm, an October conspiracy theory…just what the month needs.

Remember when there was just one pumpkin spice anything? I do. It was from Starbucks. The Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice Latte. This coffee drink was the lone ranger of pumpkin spice anything and seemingly the star of the craze for many years. When the PSL was released, you knew fall had arrived.

This went on for quite some time, then one year something changed. Every store, brand, and manufacturer got hit over the head the pumpkin spice stick and all of a sudden just about everything and anything was pumpkin spice’d. Pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin spice bone broth protein, spray-on pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice kale chips, pumpkin spice almonds, pumpkin spice body lotion…

I mean really, the only thing missing at this point is pumpkin spice lube. It’s only a matter of time.

What makes up pumpkin spice anyway? Good question. It’s a concoction of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, crack, cardamon, lemon peel, and methamphetamines. Not a single drop of pumpkin though. So, why not name it autumn spice? Or even fall spice? Because that’s not basic white girl enough. That’s why. Some dude in a suit said, let’s call it “pumpkin spice” and well, the rest is history. And it worked.

What is it about pumpkins? It’s a god damned gourd. We spend much time searching for the most perfect pumpkin to grace our homes. It took me 16 minutes the other day at Whole Foods to pick out two pumpkins for my front stoop. Why? Because I was on the hunt of the perfect freaking stem, that’s why. Shut up. Some of us spend less time looking for a husband. For crying out loud, I was asked to be someone’s wife in a f*cking pumpkin patch. I’m that girl!

October brings out the spooky in us. The witch within. Oh, that’s another thing. Remember when it was weird and they would burn you alive if you mentioned a hex? Yeah, now it’s the thing to do. Burn sage once and all of a sudden you’re a new age warlock and onto something really neat and mystical. Back in the day, I would lock myself in my room and cast spells left and right. My mom would buy me spell books at Walden Books (yes, there was an entire shelf full for sale) and my dad would get annoyed. A. It was a waste of money. B. It was strange. I disagree with all of the above.

Spells are invaluable and being strange is badass.

As we move into the month of October, Instagram feeds will be lit with “Happy Fall Y’all!” and “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers” and it’s true. I am. I am that woman who loves a cool crisp in the air, spooky movies, walking thru graveyards alone, and getting my fall on.

In a world saturated with anxieties, political madness, grief, and uncertainties…having something to look forward to embracing can make all the difference in one’s mindset and heart. I need October, just like I need the air to breathe. It makes me feel alive.

October is my birthday month, so perhaps it’s just in my genes to be this obsessed with this magical month.

In the words of Lady Gaga, I was born this way.

Happy October, Friends! Enjoy!!!

xo, Lauren